Some white goods are no good.
Have you noticed how many machines are being manufactured to perform an elementary cooking task? Its almost as though people see some vacant bench space in their kitchen and think, 'Must fill that'.
My rant today was inspired with a sighting of a plastic "Cocktail Maker". The fact it was gathering dust in a second-hand store indicates its history. Someone bought it for a cocktail party. They probably stopped making cocktails thanks to the very non-party-like whirring noise it made and dumped it in the op shop bin they woke up in.
I'm sure there are some people there who may be unable to shake a traditional cocktail mixer. Maybe they lost an arm during a tour of duty or maybe they have arthritis in their fingers - who knows, but if your life is this miserable I'd expect you to be ordering your drinks straight up at a bar. So really, there is no one on earth who could benefit from this machine. And yet, there is a factory in southeast Asia that spits them out on a mass-manufactured scale. Who can explain this oddity of the 21st century homeware industry?
It must be a terrible consequence of all these weddings and house warmings. You try to be a good guest and find your host a practical but novel item that will add to their quality of life. So off to the white goods store you go and before you know it, you're walking out with a doughnut maker. This is only because you know they definitely won't already own one and no one else will be silly enough to get the same thing. And so manufacturers are forced to come up with more and more magical machines to fill the $25-$50 gift price bracket.
I'd like to know who eats so many doughnuts they can justify production of them at a commercial rate. Even if doughnuts are the staple of your diet you can't be seeking economy with such a device. You still have to traipse over to the supermarket to get the flour, sugar, cinnamon, icing sugar and sprinkles. And then you have to measure the ingredients into the machine and wait for the doughnut to pop out. So sure it might be fresh but you'll also be fresh out of spare time.
A friend of mine called me up in the days leading up to my engagement party and asked nervously if we might like a deep fryer. I said yes rather optimistically as I envisioned making fish and chips for my new husband and Dutch sweets for my mother-in-law. Six months on, we have only come as far as pulling it out of the box then putting it back in again. This is because it requires 3 litres of oil. As a result, that economical, homemade meal of fish and chips costs as much as a lobster and you are left to deal with two-and-a-half litres of oil in the fryer and half a litre sprayed on the ceiling.
Popcorn makers are another target of scorn. Show me a popcorn maker and I point to a microwave with one hand and hold up a one-dollar bag of kernels in the other hand.
Quite simply, there are better things to be putting on precious kitchen bench space. Like my pie maker! I know you'll sense some hypocrisy but this pie maker is constructed from black metal so it hardly counts as white goods. And it works like a little black kitchen pie ninja. I simply cut two circles out of frozen pastry, press one into the pie maker, pour in a can of chunky irish stew, toss on the second pastry circle, close the lid and in ten minutes I have dinner sorted. As they say, once you go black, you'll never go back.
So next time you're tempted to buy a white, plastic, "Egg Peeler" or an "Automatic Meat Defroster" try to remember how easy it is to do it the old-fashioned way. Then buy your hosts a pie maker.
My rant today was inspired with a sighting of a plastic "Cocktail Maker". The fact it was gathering dust in a second-hand store indicates its history. Someone bought it for a cocktail party. They probably stopped making cocktails thanks to the very non-party-like whirring noise it made and dumped it in the op shop bin they woke up in.
I'm sure there are some people there who may be unable to shake a traditional cocktail mixer. Maybe they lost an arm during a tour of duty or maybe they have arthritis in their fingers - who knows, but if your life is this miserable I'd expect you to be ordering your drinks straight up at a bar. So really, there is no one on earth who could benefit from this machine. And yet, there is a factory in southeast Asia that spits them out on a mass-manufactured scale. Who can explain this oddity of the 21st century homeware industry?
It must be a terrible consequence of all these weddings and house warmings. You try to be a good guest and find your host a practical but novel item that will add to their quality of life. So off to the white goods store you go and before you know it, you're walking out with a doughnut maker. This is only because you know they definitely won't already own one and no one else will be silly enough to get the same thing. And so manufacturers are forced to come up with more and more magical machines to fill the $25-$50 gift price bracket.
I'd like to know who eats so many doughnuts they can justify production of them at a commercial rate. Even if doughnuts are the staple of your diet you can't be seeking economy with such a device. You still have to traipse over to the supermarket to get the flour, sugar, cinnamon, icing sugar and sprinkles. And then you have to measure the ingredients into the machine and wait for the doughnut to pop out. So sure it might be fresh but you'll also be fresh out of spare time.
A friend of mine called me up in the days leading up to my engagement party and asked nervously if we might like a deep fryer. I said yes rather optimistically as I envisioned making fish and chips for my new husband and Dutch sweets for my mother-in-law. Six months on, we have only come as far as pulling it out of the box then putting it back in again. This is because it requires 3 litres of oil. As a result, that economical, homemade meal of fish and chips costs as much as a lobster and you are left to deal with two-and-a-half litres of oil in the fryer and half a litre sprayed on the ceiling.
Popcorn makers are another target of scorn. Show me a popcorn maker and I point to a microwave with one hand and hold up a one-dollar bag of kernels in the other hand.
Quite simply, there are better things to be putting on precious kitchen bench space. Like my pie maker! I know you'll sense some hypocrisy but this pie maker is constructed from black metal so it hardly counts as white goods. And it works like a little black kitchen pie ninja. I simply cut two circles out of frozen pastry, press one into the pie maker, pour in a can of chunky irish stew, toss on the second pastry circle, close the lid and in ten minutes I have dinner sorted. As they say, once you go black, you'll never go back.
So next time you're tempted to buy a white, plastic, "Egg Peeler" or an "Automatic Meat Defroster" try to remember how easy it is to do it the old-fashioned way. Then buy your hosts a pie maker.
