Mistaken Identity
Man, this sort of thing always happens to me. My best friend sometimes calls me up and puts on a ludicrous fake Chinese accent. So yesterday when I answered my mobile and heard, "Halooooo? Do you like caaaats?" I thought it was her up to old tricks. "Oh hey, how are you!" I said with a chuckle. The voice continued but I had to drive so I quickly interrupted and said, "I'll call you back tonight ok? Bye." Then hung up. Getting home I decided to get her back. Finding the number (which I assumed was one she had borrowed from her sister) I dialled and put on my own fake voice which sounds a little bit like a news reporter. Knowing that my friend was worried that her boyfriend (who is a police detective) was going to find out that her license was suspended for speeding I decided to do the most logical thing of all. I pretended to be a police officer. When the fake Chinese voice answered I began, "Hello, this is Sergeant McKenzie from Queensland Police I need to speak to Kate Jones - is she there?"
There was a startled silence followed by small noises of panic. Worried that my friend was going to begin to hyperventilate I broke the act and laughed saying, "Hey, its Rachelle." And then, the fake Chinese voice started up again as she said, "Do you like caaaats?" "Ok, you can stop it Kate - I know its you." I said rolling my eyes. But she persisted once more with something unintelligible. Beginning to get frustrated I said, "Kate, stop with the stupid accent, its so bad - I know its you calling from another number." The voice then said, "No, no no your friend Carol, she give me your number. Are you the lady who likes caaaats? I need someone to look after my house. I am going to my home country."
And then I realised a real Chinese lady was calling me.
Its one thing to commit a faux paus with someone you possibly might never see again. You'll suffer some immediate emberrasment but there will be some means of escape and in time everyone will forget what was said. So you don't really have to worry too much about those ones. But you should take extra-extra care on special occasions. When my friend got married it was a dream wedding, they were young, she wore a princess-like gown and the groom was a sophisticated law student about to make her life complete. The fairytale reception was dreamy until the groom made a speech which included a reference to the attractive size of his bride's boobs. Yes, that's right. On this night of their lives he decided in front of friends and family he decided it would be entertaining to joke that he married her for her cup-size. A horrified silence seemed to expand the walls then shrink them again as we all looked at the stone-still bride. To this day its a taboo topic. I'm sure her meant well but that single sentence seemed to suck all the romance out of the air so fast one of the candles extinguished itself right in front of me.
There was a startled silence followed by small noises of panic. Worried that my friend was going to begin to hyperventilate I broke the act and laughed saying, "Hey, its Rachelle." And then, the fake Chinese voice started up again as she said, "Do you like caaaats?" "Ok, you can stop it Kate - I know its you." I said rolling my eyes. But she persisted once more with something unintelligible. Beginning to get frustrated I said, "Kate, stop with the stupid accent, its so bad - I know its you calling from another number." The voice then said, "No, no no your friend Carol, she give me your number. Are you the lady who likes caaaats? I need someone to look after my house. I am going to my home country."
And then I realised a real Chinese lady was calling me.
Its one thing to commit a faux paus with someone you possibly might never see again. You'll suffer some immediate emberrasment but there will be some means of escape and in time everyone will forget what was said. So you don't really have to worry too much about those ones. But you should take extra-extra care on special occasions. When my friend got married it was a dream wedding, they were young, she wore a princess-like gown and the groom was a sophisticated law student about to make her life complete. The fairytale reception was dreamy until the groom made a speech which included a reference to the attractive size of his bride's boobs. Yes, that's right. On this night of their lives he decided in front of friends and family he decided it would be entertaining to joke that he married her for her cup-size. A horrified silence seemed to expand the walls then shrink them again as we all looked at the stone-still bride. To this day its a taboo topic. I'm sure her meant well but that single sentence seemed to suck all the romance out of the air so fast one of the candles extinguished itself right in front of me.
