October 2007 - A La Solo

A La Solo

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A La Solo - October 2007

I'VE WON! I'VE WON!

Ok, I can't complain anymore. I've done it. I've just won 'Australia's Toughest Brief' competition!!

When they called me to say I had won ALL THREE PRIZES I stopped them and asked, "Am I the only person who entered?" Apparently I wasn't the only one its just the other entries were rubbish so I'm being flown to Byron Bay for the Caxton Awards this weekend and they've put me in today's edition of The Australian!

I'm so estatic I can barely breathe - I just did a radio interview and in classic, hapless Rachelle-style I made a goof of myself when they asked me to recite the slogan and thinking they had already said that part I quoted the wrong bit!

Oh well, its just a radio interview, what really matters is how I do this weekend at the Caxton awards. Its always been a secret desire of mine to go to an awards ceremony and be in an amazing dress (I bought 3) and to be walking down the red carpet. All I can think though is please don't make me do a speech!

I can write but I can't talk.

Seriously - if I'm the least bit nervous I turn into a vocally-challenged space cadet. Once when I was trying to talk to this really cute guy who works at my local cinema the words actually came out backwards in some sort of caveman gibberish. My friend dissolved into hysterics beside me while the guy looked at me like I had two heads. Yep, I don't go to the movies much these days.

But this weekend is my big debut - I get to meet the biggest advertisers in the country - perhaps I should just smile and give them a business card then run to the next person.

Yes, its much safer to be enigmatically shy then disastrously social.

Wish me luck guys : )

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October 24th 2007 @ 22:24

Posted By: Rachelle - Category: No Category

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Clear the Pool

Looking glumly at my fluro-white torso I decided it was time to begin hitting the pool. I'm not a very good swimmer nor a very fast swimmer but when its far too hot to jog I really enjoy hitting the water for some slow and almost-graceful laps. Rocking on up to my usual school pool I was disappointed to find it already closed for the day. What I liked about that pool was that it belonged to a school so there weren't many others there. And if the swim squad was training I could imagine that the swim coach was yelling at my lane as well as theirs. It was motivation enough to see the super-toned students shooting through the water like their legs were propellors. And to hear the coach roaring at them to stop diddling around was enough to snap me out of my dog-paddle quick smart.

But my favourite pool was closed so horror of horrors I was forced to attend a 'public' pool. Not that I'm a pool snob but in a working-class town like mine the local public pool can contain much more than water and chlorine. But I thought about my fluoro-white stomach once more and paid my entry fee. Entering the complex I suddenly realised the pool was only 25 metres long and every metre of that was heaving with screaming kids and teenagers. I swiftly retreated to the counter and said apologetically, "I'm sorry I didn't realise the pool was so full - I was hoping to do some laps." I was hoping to get a refund. However to my astonishment the woman replied quickly, "That's ok - we'll clear a lane for you."

Before I could respond she had gone to do just that so I obediently went into the change room. As I changed into my string bikini I heard the woman over the loudspeaker, "Clear lane six. Everyone clear lane six for lap swimming." The announcement was repeated several times before I emerged rather nervously. I didn't exactly look like a professional swimmer - I didn't even have goggles or a swim cap. The lifeguards endeavours over the loudspeaker were unsuccessful however that didn't deter her -she came down to the pool edge and began ordering people to move out of the lane. Some people looked confused. Others disgruntled. And when they saw me with my fluro-white torso stepping gingerly into the deep end they must have been a tad astonished. Who is this VIP pool-user? How did she get so pale? How come she gets a whole lane to herself?

Whatever they were thinking they were made to squish into the other five lanes. At first I felt emberassed but in a fit of selfishness I told myself this was entirely fair. However not everyone was convinced. As I completed paddling my first lap a six year old boy on the edge of my lane started shouting at me, "You have to get out of lane six! They have to clear this lane!" Standing up I retorted, "Yes I know, they cleared the lane for me!" But he continued to argue with me yelling, "You have to get out of lane six! People are going to come and make you get out!" "Yes I know! They cleared the lane for me!" The argument continued - escalating with my own frustration at this kid's attempts to boot me my out of my lane. As the argument escalated I realised that if I didn't keep swimming others would begin drifting into my precious lane space. So I kept swimming and after a few laps got out and went home.

Hey, if people want to give me special treatment, I'm not going to say no ; )

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October 5th 2007 @ 06:18

Posted By: Rachelle - Category: No Category

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Mistaken Identity

Man, this sort of thing always happens to me. My best friend sometimes calls me up and puts on a ludicrous fake Chinese accent. So yesterday when I answered my mobile and heard, "Halooooo? Do you like caaaats?" I thought it was her up to old tricks. "Oh hey, how are you!" I said with a chuckle. The voice continued but I had to drive so I quickly interrupted and said, "I'll call you back tonight ok? Bye." Then hung up. Getting home I decided to get her back. Finding the number (which I assumed was one she had borrowed from her sister) I dialled and put on my own fake voice which sounds a little bit like a news reporter. Knowing that my friend was worried that her boyfriend (who is a police detective) was going to find out that her license was suspended for speeding I decided to do the most logical thing of all. I pretended to be a police officer. When the fake Chinese voice answered I began, "Hello, this is Sergeant McKenzie from Queensland Police I need to speak to Kate Jones - is she there?"

There was a startled silence followed by small noises of panic. Worried that my friend was going to begin to hyperventilate I broke the act and laughed saying, "Hey, its Rachelle." And then, the fake Chinese voice started up again as she said, "Do you like caaaats?" "Ok, you can stop it Kate - I know its you." I said rolling my eyes. But she persisted once more with something unintelligible. Beginning to get frustrated I said, "Kate, stop with the stupid accent, its so bad - I know its you calling from another number." The voice then said, "No, no no your friend Carol, she give me your number. Are you the lady who likes caaaats? I need someone to look after my house. I am going to my home country."

And then I realised a real Chinese lady was calling me.

Its one thing to commit a faux paus with someone you possibly might never see again. You'll suffer some immediate emberrasment but there will be some means of escape and in time everyone will forget what was said. So you don't really have to worry too much about those ones. But you should take extra-extra care on special occasions. When my friend got married it was a dream wedding, they were young, she wore a princess-like gown and the groom was a sophisticated law student about to make her life complete. The fairytale reception was dreamy until the groom made a speech which included a reference to the attractive size of his bride's boobs. Yes, that's right. On this night of their lives he decided in front of friends and family he decided it would be entertaining to joke that he married her for her cup-size. A horrified silence seemed to expand the walls then shrink them again as we all looked at the stone-still bride. To this day its a taboo topic. I'm sure her meant well but that single sentence seemed to suck all the romance out of the air so fast one of the candles extinguished itself right in front of me.

A La Solo - October 2007

I'VE WON! I'VE WON!

Clear the Pool

Mistaken Identity

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