All I want for Christmas is...
A Magic Eight Ball.
More than ever I want that enigmatic shadowy globule with all its impartial assessment of life's quandaries. With a few swift wobbles the Fates that govern the forces of the Magic Eight Ball could determine my entire life's progression. I would no longer have to take responsibility for bad decisions - "The Magic Eight Ball said I should do it!" I'll say, shrug my shoulders and move on.
I firmly believe in the value of this little device because the Forces of Chaos at work in the Universe make all decision-making strategies close to redundant. You have as much chance of a successful outcome if you allow a novelty toy decide your course of action than if you relentlessly analyse potential outcomes.
More importantly, it would remove all the anxiety associated with making decisions. In my case it would completely eradicate anxiety in my life except for those occasions that are unavoidably stressful such as dental appointments, job interviews and dinner with my parents.
In fact, I think everyone should get a Magic Eight Ball for Christmas - it might make the greatest Christmas wish of all come true - WORLD PEACE (I hope Kofi Annan is reading this). People wouldn't decide to go to war if they could decide which way to part their hair in the morning or how much is too much to pay for a banana. I believe people all over the world could live in absolute harmony if they didn't have to decide whether to half-flush or full.
I have a favourite cafe which is charming in its unsophisticated style but on one occasion it tested my patience. I asked for soup and after clarifying which variety of soup I was after the assistant asked me, "Would you like one piece of thick toast, or two slices of thin toast?" I was tempted to say, "Surprise me." only my good manners held it back and tethered it to the back of my hungry, dry throat. The differences between the two were so insignificant that it was infuriating to be asked to go through the mental exercise required to decide which would serve my appetite best.
This is my theory. The decisions that demand weighing up in the first place are the ones where the pros and cons or risks and benefits are fairly equal in the first place. These situations are the ones where there is a fairly equal chance of success or failure and it is just a matter of choosing which one to take a punt at.
Asking friends and family for advice in these situations will only create anxiety for you. At best, they will clarify the pros and cons for you and so make you realise just how devastating it could be if you make the wrong choice. At worst, they will advocate one of the choices which will immediately send you into a brain tangle trying to decide if they really place themselves in your shoes or are trying to stuff you into theirs.
Our society prides itself on providing a perpetual array of choice - the result is perpetual agony for everyone. Every morning I have to choose whether to have cereal, bacon and eggs or leftover fried rice for breakfast. Then I have to choose what to wear. Then I have to choose whether to get fuel for my car or take a punt on whether the price will drop a few cents on Tuesday. Now with online dating I have to choose what I'm looking for in a partner and whether the guy who sent me a pic of him holding a chainsaw is a serial killer or just a guy who kills trees in a swift, humane manner.
And then, people start to ask me to decide what I want for Christmas. At least that was a no-brainer.
More than ever I want that enigmatic shadowy globule with all its impartial assessment of life's quandaries. With a few swift wobbles the Fates that govern the forces of the Magic Eight Ball could determine my entire life's progression. I would no longer have to take responsibility for bad decisions - "The Magic Eight Ball said I should do it!" I'll say, shrug my shoulders and move on.
I firmly believe in the value of this little device because the Forces of Chaos at work in the Universe make all decision-making strategies close to redundant. You have as much chance of a successful outcome if you allow a novelty toy decide your course of action than if you relentlessly analyse potential outcomes.
More importantly, it would remove all the anxiety associated with making decisions. In my case it would completely eradicate anxiety in my life except for those occasions that are unavoidably stressful such as dental appointments, job interviews and dinner with my parents.
In fact, I think everyone should get a Magic Eight Ball for Christmas - it might make the greatest Christmas wish of all come true - WORLD PEACE (I hope Kofi Annan is reading this). People wouldn't decide to go to war if they could decide which way to part their hair in the morning or how much is too much to pay for a banana. I believe people all over the world could live in absolute harmony if they didn't have to decide whether to half-flush or full.
I have a favourite cafe which is charming in its unsophisticated style but on one occasion it tested my patience. I asked for soup and after clarifying which variety of soup I was after the assistant asked me, "Would you like one piece of thick toast, or two slices of thin toast?" I was tempted to say, "Surprise me." only my good manners held it back and tethered it to the back of my hungry, dry throat. The differences between the two were so insignificant that it was infuriating to be asked to go through the mental exercise required to decide which would serve my appetite best.
This is my theory. The decisions that demand weighing up in the first place are the ones where the pros and cons or risks and benefits are fairly equal in the first place. These situations are the ones where there is a fairly equal chance of success or failure and it is just a matter of choosing which one to take a punt at.
Asking friends and family for advice in these situations will only create anxiety for you. At best, they will clarify the pros and cons for you and so make you realise just how devastating it could be if you make the wrong choice. At worst, they will advocate one of the choices which will immediately send you into a brain tangle trying to decide if they really place themselves in your shoes or are trying to stuff you into theirs.
Our society prides itself on providing a perpetual array of choice - the result is perpetual agony for everyone. Every morning I have to choose whether to have cereal, bacon and eggs or leftover fried rice for breakfast. Then I have to choose what to wear. Then I have to choose whether to get fuel for my car or take a punt on whether the price will drop a few cents on Tuesday. Now with online dating I have to choose what I'm looking for in a partner and whether the guy who sent me a pic of him holding a chainsaw is a serial killer or just a guy who kills trees in a swift, humane manner.
And then, people start to ask me to decide what I want for Christmas. At least that was a no-brainer.
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